When things are on his terms

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Guy: So you agree to bowing down to my needs and working around me even though it makes you suffer? Girl: Yeah, sure! I am in agreement to you using me and taking up all of my time and wasted energy, but I don't want to lose you so I'm in! - Kathleen Sleigh

The one thing about casual relationships is that everything seems to be on the guy's terms. He blows hot and cold because he simply can, he messages the girl asking if she is free to meet up then fails to follow up the plans, then he pops up again two weeks later sending a random message asking if she would like to come over. Even though the girl has said she has plans, the guy is super horny and is wanting his dick attended to so he convinces her to change plans or make her late for them. Or worse still, the girl decides of her own accord she will change plans for this guy because she doesn't want to lose him.

I cannot believe how many times I have been late for plans or even changed plans to bow down to these asswipes just for sex. For them it was victory because they didn't have to put any effort in to get what they wanted. They were horny, I came over and slept with them, they were happy the job was done and they disappeared again and moved onto the next, then came back to me again when they got bored of someone else. So here he was pin balling in and out of my life. One minute I existed and the next I didn't, and he could care less about the fact he was doing this.

I will give you a run through of the many plans I changed and have been late for because of sex:

- I had plans to meet my best friend for dinner who was travelling from the other side of town to see me. The very same day a guy I was sleeping with asked me to come over even though I told him I had plans. He told me that I should be late for them and so I pushed dinner with my friend back by an hour. I went to the guy's house and slept with him and I ended up being late and making my friend wait in the restaurant for half an hour or so

- Another guy I slept with (who had a girlfriend) lived interstate and even though I barely had the funds, I used my savings for my London investment to book flights to go and see him, stupidly hoping we would spend some other time together apart from sex. He told me that he was going to break up with his girlfriend as I mentioned to him that nothing could happen until he did. Even when I found out he didn't, I still went there for my own ego boost and gratification (I am so ashamed about this and it is difficult to be honest about it but judge me as you wish, at least I am being real).

- 5 years after I broke up with my ex boyfriend from Australia, we reunited and became f**k buddies. BIG mistake. Residual feelings came back and I got attached. One time I ended up waiting up for him until 2 in the morning because he had to confirm when it was safe to come over once his parents fell asleep. I gave up my sleep for sex!

- And Mr. X who I was recently sleeping with, well, I bowed down to him time and time again for sex. a) because he was really good in bed and I was on a high every time we slept together and b) I didn't want to lose him so I constantly did as he asked. One time he asked me to be late to see my friend because in his words he really wanted to lick my p**sy (sorry if that's a bit direct but they were his words).

I can't believe I was so stupid. And the really bad thing is is that I was well aware of how this was making me feel. I didn't go to a Christmas party so I could go to Mr. X's house, I wasted money on Uber's to go to his house even though it was only a 20 minute walk away from home. I was so delusional, I actually was.

I remember how excited I would feel because I got to see him, but I knew how empty I would feel afterwards and I dreaded that feeling. I would get dressed up in my sexy lingerie, put my make up on and wear dresses to feel sexy and for him to validate how sexy I looked. I knew I was disrespecting myself, I knew he was just using me for sex and yet I still bowed down to him because I was so scared of losing him. I couldn't find the willpower to say no.

In that moment I thought I was doing the right thing but I wasn't doing the right thing by me, I was doing the right thing by him. I allowed him to think that I would give up anything and everything for him so he knew I would always be available whenever he wanted.

It hurt so much that whenever I was in the mood to see him he made excuses not to see me... and it was then that I realised how s**t I really did feel. I completely lost myself to this guy all because of sex. I didn't deserve to put myself through that torture and pain.

Looking back, I have learned a lot. That once you get yourself into this type of relationship that the longer you stay in it, the harder it is to get out of. Once you lose yourself completely you have nothing left and it is so hard to come back from. It's so hard to 'catch yourself'. If you do it's easier to walk away but the moment you don't, it's all over. Everything you do is around this guy's terms. You're completely sucked in.

I don't want to ever abide by a f**kboy's terms again because it doesn't benefit me. I am pleasing someone who could care less about me. It's not fair and it's a massive insult to my self-esteeem, so it's simply not worth it.

To all the Mr. Unavailables, asswipes, f**kboys and barely there guys, you may as well rip up your contracts because I guarantee you I will not like the terms that I see and I certainly will not want to agree to them. So keep your pen and paper, keep your dick in your pants and try and see if you can entertain someone else with your stupid agreement.

Quite frankly, you can shove your terms up your arse!

#relationships