Being the other woman

Reading time: 7 minutes

And here I was feeling dirty, ashamed and empty because I was the other woman. At what point did I ever think this was a good idea? - Kathleen Sleigh

This post will probably be one of the hardest ones to write about, even harder than my posts about the other casual relationships I've been in.

I am no fan of cheating whatsoever. I have been cheated on before and it is a horrible feeling, and girls who have been through it know how painful it is. That is why I have never cheated because I could never put someone through that pain. But then this happened...

So there was this guy from school who I always thought was really nice and friendly. He always went out of his way to say hello to me at school even though he was in what everyone calls the 'popular' group (how lame). Anyway, we were never friends but he always acknowledged me.

He ended up moving interstate and we used to chat here and there randomly on Facebook. Then somehow we ended up exchanging dirty details and talking about how we wanted to hook up. I knew he had a girlfriend and this was normally something I would not condone but stupidly, my ego and the attention of him wanting me got the better of me. We both agreed that nothing could happen unless him and his girlfriend broke up. Apparently they were having 'problems'. What every guy says to get what they want...

He was due to come back home for Christmas and we organised a hook up. I knew how wrong it was but I just couldn't help myself. I guess what made me feel better is that I wasn't the one cheating... but it still didn't make it right. Yet again like all other casual relationships, sleeping with this guy left me feeling on a high. But then as soon as he was done with me and didn't feel like me, he disappeared and had the nerve to go back to his girlfriend of course, like he had done no wrong. Because of course, guys have to have their cake and eat it too. 

We had only seen each other that one time but I was still hungry for more despite how wrong it was. He was due to go back interstate after Christmas and I made plans to go and see him even though that is not what he wanted. For what was supposed to be my London savings, I stupidly used some of it to book flights and accommodation to go and see him. I knew it was wrong but I still did it. It was lucky that my good friend ended up being interstate at the time too so I was able to spend the majority of my few days with her. So it wasn't all a complete waste. 

He ended up coming over to the apartment I had booked and we slept together. Although it wasn't even that great because it was stinking hot! The apartment didn't have air conditioning. And this was in peak summer time mind you! 

I actually felt so disgusted in myself afterwards because I felt so bad for his girlfriend and because I was the other woman. He also treated me like complete rubbish because of his sneakiness. He knew he was up to no good but he made me feel like crap for it. He should have just done the right thing and been single but then I should have also known better and not got myself involved in this situation in the first place. It just wasn't me at all. 

I remember that in my mind he was my 'friend' and so I mentioned to the receptionist that he was coming so she could give him the second key. I mentioned his name and told him I did that so the lady knew to expect him, and he lost his mind! He told me not to use his name because he was worried that this person could have known his girlfriend. While I didn't think about this at the time, I just felt so disrespected that I knew he was treating me like a piece of meat and going behind his poor girlfriend's back.

Instead of him coming up to me, he made me take my heels off and come and meet him outside (because he didn't want anybody getting suspicious about why we were meeting) and then had the nerve to tell me to hurry up, take the key from me, make me wait outside, and he went up upstairs to the room and gave me the all clear to come up. It was MY room!! I felt so humiliated...

And yet I still decided it was acceptable that he come over. This would have to be one of the worst things I have ever done to myself, but also to someone else I didn't even know. 

In the end, I basically told this guy where to go which completely backfired on me of course. He deleted me from all social media to avoid blame and responsibility. I just felt completely used at that point because I was just so insignificant to him. It hurt so much. 

This incident happened a while ago now and I have been able to forgive him and forgive myself for it. So I have been at peace with it for a very long time now. Whilst I regretted it so much at the time and for a little while afterwards, I am glad I learned from this experience. I learned that it is not ok to allow myself to be the other woman at the expense of my self worth and that it is not ok to disregard someone else behind their back. 

Taken guys will try it on to see if girls will get turned on by them having a girlfriend and going behind her back. They just cannot help themselves. These poor 'other women' who have low self-esteem and don't know any better fall victim to their manipulative ways and end up getting caught in a web of destruction. These women need to realise that they are worth more than being treated like a piece of meat and that it is morally wrong to hurt someone else, because if you knew your boyfriend was cheating on you, you'd be hurt too. I know I can't judge because I hurt someone else and didn't have the decency to walk away in the first place, but I have learned my lesson and will never make the same mistake again. 

I know a lot of you that know me who didn't know this story already, may very well be shocked to hear this and might give me backlash for it. But just know that we all do stupid things for love and lust. It's what us humans do. At least I have the balls to own up to my mistakes and take responsibility for them. There are worse things that people have done. 

I was so hesitant to be open about this story but I decided to be brave and be honest about it since I don't think many other women who have been/are in this situation would be. We are all human and we all make mistakes, even big ones. But so long as we can learn from them and not repeat them, we can forgive ourselves and be at peace with it. Life is too short to beat yourself up over the past. Even things in the past where you stuffed up really badly. The most important thing is to move forward, let go and accept that you are a good person who deserves greatness. 

#respect #otherwoman