Why self love is the key to healing

Reading time: 6 mins

"I am beautiful, I am smart, I am loveable, I am worthy, I have so much to offer, I am a PRIZE".

At this point in my life, I have never felt more dedicated to self love and I probably feel it is the most important now more than ever. This is probably because I have chosen so many unhealthy relationships that I am starting to get tired of doing this to myself. I am going to be 28 this year and I cannot afford to throw my self respect and dignity away for those who simply aren't willing to give me what I truly deserve. It's so exhausting.

I think it's the hardest lessons that make you wake up and realise when you need to change and reassess what it is you are doing with your life. I am grateful for all my friends and family who have reached out to me and gave me their tough love messages indicating how unhealthy my choices were and how silly they made me look. If it wasn't for those messages of tough love, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Coming into my third week since the fall out of the casual relationship with Mr X, I have noticed such a change in my aura, my manner, my behaviour and how I am on a day-to-day basis. It isn't an effort to get out of bed anymore, it isn't an effort to have a shower, I can ring friends and have a genuine conversation asking about them without making it all about me, I can happily go on walks and not be consumed by thoughts and overall I just feel more free and more alive. And the happier I've become, the more my friends and family have noticed and have reached out to me because of it. It's so true about what you put in you get back, and that's why being positive and working on myself is so important to me. I'm done with giving off bad and negative vibes, it's exhausting and it doesn't make me or my loved ones feel any good. It isn't productive nor does it provide any long term benefits, only a never-ending cycle of pain.

I'm not 100% there by any means but each day gets easier and I always achieve some goal in doing something for me - whether that's going on a walk with my dog and taking in the fresh air, painting my nails, smiling at myself at the mirror etc. Each day I am always doing something nice for myself no matter how small. I no longer feel anxious or doubtful and I don't wake up dreading the next day ahead and what potential negative emotions I will dwell on. I meant what what I said about taking a dating hiatus and I am doing just that. Despite going on a date simply for fun on the weekend, I was able to take myself out of the situation emotionally and observe this guy's behaviour from a non emotional perspective and it really helped me in starting to honour my boundaries. If I had been in a dark place still, I would have forced myself to like him just so I didn't have to be lonely. In any case, I have decided to focus on me and my career and just work really hard to travel more of the world and tick off adventures that I want to go on, as I am still so young and have so much freedom. I often don't realise how amazing my life is sometimes and how lucky I am for being in a position where I can live my life without having to answer to anyone; my life is on my terms and I can do what I please when I please without having to run it past someone else. The world really is my oyster.

I forget how resilient I am and I always come out of negative experiences with a positive outlook and end up wondering why I ever got in such a dark place when it was so unnecessary to put myself in that position. But these things happen and to be quite honest, I am grateful for what I learned from my experience with Mr X because it made me realise even more about myself than any other casual relationship I have been in. I have learned so much about what it is I need to change and that I am actually willing to make that change this time, whereas before I could only simply recognise it, but didn't make an active effort in changing, rather, I completely ignored what I had to change and therefore the same cycle of meet guy, sleep with them, feel on a high, then feel sad and cheap, rinse and repeat.

My good friend from Australia who I had an hour and a half long conversation with on the phone today told me I don't even realise my own impact I have on people and that if he didn't know me, he would feel too intimidated to talk to me because of how I come across (not meaning it a bad way but in the sense of knowing myself and having that confidence). I was so shocked he thought this because he's my friend, but even from an outsider's perspective I would never assume I have this effect on people as I am not someone who 'bites' or is arrogant. I come across as confident because I feel good when I am out and all dressed up and having a good time, but I am a really nice and friendly person, as my good friends and family know. So it really does shock me that people feel that they aren't good enough to talk to me because of that. I really am amazing and I don't even know it.

I often think about how my dad would feel about my relationship choices and I know he wouldn't want me to be suffering... nor would he enjoy the fact I have subjected myself to such relationships because he always saw me as his number one daughter who was amazing beyond belief in his eyes. And I can't let him down either. I want him to be proud of me and be proud of the choices I make, especially in relationships, because I know he would want me to be with someone who would kiss the ground I walk on. I know he would be telling me to see how amazing I truly am and I deserve the best because I am a prize to be won.

The reason I chose this photo of me above is because I remember buying this top and jeans and how excited I was to wear them and meet my sister for dinner. I felt so fresh, so alive and so happy on this day.

Never forget the importance of self love when you're healing from a relationship fall out. It is the most crucial time ever to work on yourself, get to know yourself again and discover what it is you truly want in life and relationships. Learn to love yourself again and work towards that goal of loving yourself completely. It won't be an overnight fix, but the light at the end of the tunnel knowing how amazing you'll feel for it is worth the journey.

XXX

#selflove