Why anger isn't the answer

Reading time: 3 mins

"By letting go of the anger, I am able to embrace all the love and beauty around me, as love and beauty are ever so colourful and ever so vibrant. And that is worth so much more". - Kathleen Sleigh

We often go through moving on from break ups feeling angry and posing blame on the other person, when sometimes we often forget to realise that it takes two. I'm not saying that both people are always at fault but what I am saying is that no one is perfect, not even you. This was one of the hardest things to accept when things between Mr X and I had ended. I put so much blame on him and felt so much anger towards him that I didn't stop and think that I played a major part in his reactions to my behaviour and that a lot of how things became between us was because I was too stubborn and too desperate to let go. A lot of what I put myself through with Mr X was unnecessary for me and for him. I didn't have to see him all those times when I knew I wasn't going to get what I wanted, knowing seeing him would end up in us fighting and me leaving in hysterics. I made that choice. Mr X didn't want to see me, he only did so to get me off his case, and that's fair. This should have been reason enough for me to stay away and maintain my dignity. But if I valued myself enough then I would know to do that.

Whilst I don't excuse Mr X's behaviour and believe that it was acceptable (as I believe no matter how bad things get you should never emotionally abuse someone and belittle them), I know I pushed him to react the way he did in the sense of him just feeling so frustrated I did not listen to him when he said he did not want a relationship with me many, many times. He made that clear and I just didn't listen. And I suppose there was only so much he could say and could only be so nice to a point he had no choice but to be harsh about it. And I understand that. It really is true that when a guy indicates that he does not want a relationship, that he really does mean it. Don't think he will change his mind and ignore what he said. If he wanted to be with you, he would.

Like I mentioned in my previous post 'My Mr Available', I finally ripped up my pros and cons list about Mr X and burnt it. Ever since that moment I have felt so much more free, less bitter and more at peace. I can honestly say I don't feel any anger towards him. The only times I really do is when I think about how he treated me, but I try and not focus on that because it doesn't bring me peace. Letting go of the anger towards him isn't about accepting that how he treated me was okay, it's about making peace with it so I can move forward and be happy.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be angry when someone hurts you and does wrong by you, anger is a healthy emotion, all emotions are. It's the way you go about them that can turn them into unhealthy emotions. You need to feel it out and then learn to let go of that anger because you don't want to become a bitter person because of it. We can make peace with it and move on whilst still accepting that people's behaviour is not okay. Learn to let go of anger. It's the only way to true happiness and healing.

If we let the anger of someone hurting us take over then we can never truly be happy and at peace with ourselves and we will attract negative situations and negative people in our lives. In a world that is becoming so dangerous and so hate-filled with terrorism and violence, we need to remind ourselves how important it is to be be at peace and demonstrate peaceful actions. We were put on this earth with only one life, make it a peaceful one.

#forgiveness #forgivingothers