How to live your best life: The path to acceptance

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"As I look out into the depths of life, I feel grateful for acceptance in all its forms - accepting myself for my flaws and for my amazing qualities, accepting others for who they are, accepting that life throws me challenges to help me grow, accepting situations that I am not okay with, accepting that it is okay to be rejected and not take it personally, accepting that it's okay that two people are not meant for each other and most of all, accepting how beautiful life is even in the midst of tragedy, sorrow, heartbreak and pain. Life, I accept you. Universe, I accept you. World I accept you. And for that I feel so much love and so much freedom. I am here to live my best life and by accepting the good and the bad, it allows me to live the best life I could ever possibly imagine" - Kathleen Sleigh

Yesterday I asked my followers to suggest a topic that they would like me to write about. Since I have received so much positive feedback from my blog and have been contacted by people about how much it resonates with them, I thought it was about time that I dedicate a post to you guys. This way, it is something that is personal to you and it is a post that can help you make sense of your life and perhaps clarify any concerns you may have if you are struggling, and just need that bit of reassurance and hope to get you through it.

Today's post is dedicated to a lovely and beautiful soul named Jill. Jill was my Airbnb host when I went to Edinburgh on my own for a weekend last summer in June. She has the most beautiful house which was only 20 minutes walk from the city centre, such an ideal location. She was so welcoming and made me feel right at home and engaged in conversation with me and we talked about our lives and dreams for the future. I look forward to crossing paths with her again one day.

So Jill suggested for me to write about 'acceptance' and I thought what a great choice because I haven't really covered a post on it yet. Acceptance is paramount to living your best life and being truly happy within yourself but also it has been something I have struggled with so I can share my journey of acceptance with you.

I am going to talk to you about acceptance in all its forms:

1. Accepting yourself for your flaws as well as your amazing qualities

2. Accepting others as they are (even the people you don't like) and that not everyone is going to like you

3. Accepting that life will give you challenges to help you grow

4. Accepting that situations will not always work out the way you want them to (specifically in relationships) and that it is okay not to be okay with certain situations (reread it so that it makes sense)

5. Accepting life for its beauty and goodness despite the tragedy, sadness and heartbreak that we witness or go through

6. Accepting the past for what was, accepting what is and accepting whatever will be will be (probably the most challenging form of acceptance)

What can I say about acceptance? Well firstly, for someone like me it is not easy to accept things all the time. I am a dweller and ruminator so acceptance is quite challenging for me when I am not able to let go of the past. I am getting a lot better with it these days because I am now choosing to focus on myself and learning to love myself again, but it is still a challenging journey. However challenging though, it plays an integral role in living my best life and being truly happy. For some people, acceptance is easy because that is just how some people are wired. Sometimes I feel frustrated when I think about how easy it is for some people to accept things so easily but I often forget that perhaps they go through their own struggles that they deal with in a different way. And I wouldn't be who I was if I was like them so I shouldn't ever compare.

1. So let's talk about accepting yourself - it's not just important to accept yourself for your good qualities but you should always accept yourself for your flaws too, because they are what make you who you are and they are what help you grow and make changes so that you can make better decisions for yourself and for those you care about. I used to (and sometimes still do) feel so guilty for my flaws and just get stuck in this anxiety spiral of self blame and self hatred, wishing I didn't have these flaws and wishing I didn't make mistakes over and over again. But when I think about it deeply (especially in reference to my recent break up), if I didn't accept myself for my flaws and bad decisions then I can never truly grow. Flaws exist to help us remember that we are not perfect and we can't expect ourselves to be. Mistakes are made so that we are reminded not to make them again and hurt others and that if we do, we just need to accept that sometimes we have to keep making them until we wake up one day and realise we can no longer make them anymore. A lot of the time those repeated mistakes come at a cost - a cost of losing someone else, losing someone that we may never get back because they will never forgive us. But you can't beat yourself up over it forever... Be grateful you can admit your mistakes and then put in the hard work to change it. We can always grow from that. So always remember that your flaws as well as your amazing qualities shape who you are and help in your growth journey. They help you in becoming a better person.

2. It's important to accept others for who they are, especially our friends and family. But it is also important to accept the people that we don't like because of how they treat us and others. Acceptance of these people doesn't mean that we are okay with who they are, acceptance of them simply means that we acknowledge that they are not a nice person, deciding that they are not apart of your amazing tribe and then choosing not to have them in your life as part of your circle. It's okay to accept that not everyone is going to be nice and do not have good intentions for others. If you can accept that, then you don't take their behaviour so personally because you know it has got nothing to do with you. But also remember that not everyone is going to like you for whatever reason but it doesn't make you a bad person so don't believe it as your truth. I used to define how worthy I was based on other people liking me or not and it's a load of bullsh**. Why should I be defined by people who are complete strangers? Accept that you are not always going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you. It's just a part of life. Know your truth and surround yourself with those that love you. That's the only thing that matters.

3. Life will always throw you some curveballs that will make your head spin and take you on an emotional rollercoaster. We go through events that are so unfair and we often question why we as humans have to go through such hard times. But if we don't go through the hard times then we can't have appreciation for the good times in life. Have acceptance for challenges in your life, they are there to help you grow and make you stronger.

4. Accepting that situations won't always go your way, that you will experience rejection and that there are certain things in life that you won't feel okay with, but it's okay to not be okay with that. This one stands out to me a lot because I would struggle with not accepting things going my way, whether it be in my job or my friendships and relationships. I have always been too stubborn to accept that sometimes things aren't always going to work out the way I want them to, and that it is pointless trying to change it and force it to go my way. We don't always get what we want, it's just apart of life. A massive struggle for me also is the fear of rejection, this has been a huge thing to try and accept. Not always are we going to have our feelings reciprocated by someone else, as much as we so desperately want someone to. Just because someone does not want to be with us does not mean we are bad people or that we are not worthy or loveable, it simply means that two people are not compatible for one another. And it's okay. I have always taken rejection so personally but I have come to realise that rejection isn't a personal attack, it's just that people aren't meant to be. How about turn the tables and think about times where you have been on dates, started seeing someone and that this person really liked you and wanted to be with you, but you realised that you just did not feel the same. And that's not because you think this person is a bad person, you just know that they aren't the right person for you. And lastly, think about the amount of times you have put yourself in situations that you are not okay with, but have forced yourself to be because that is what society expects of you or because you are trying to please someone else. For me, countless times I have been in casual relationships since the age of 20 and 7 years later I have only just been open to accepting that casual relationships are simply not for me. I have always known this, but chose to ignore it and carry on repeating the same unhealthy cycle. Don't change yourself to please others just because they can handle a casual relationship and you can't. If you're not okay with that then there is a reason for it. Don't ignore what you are most uncomfortable with, listen to your intuition and understand and accept that it is okay not to be okay with something. My counsellor in Australia made me aware of this and it is so paramount in being able to honour your values and staying true to yourself.

5. This one is so important and I hope this is etched in your mind, body and soul - accepting life for its beauty and goodness. Because life really does have so much to offer, YOU have so much to offer in this life. When we think about all the terrible things that occur in this world like terrorism (most recently the Parkland shootings), murder, heartbreak and death, we need to remember how precious life is and that we were only put on this earth for a certain amount of time. We need to appreciate the time we have because life is too short. Be grateful for every second you are alive because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow. Think about all the people that are killed through acts of terrorism, murder and suicide, the people who live in extreme poverty, the people who are terminally ill. Be glad that you are alive and healthy because not everyone is as lucky as you are.

6. This is the form of acceptance that I struggle with the most - accepting the past for what was, accepting what is and accepting that whatever is meant to be will be. Like I mentioned earlier, I am a dweller and ruminator and I know I am not the only one who does this, I am sure there are a lot of you that dwell, ruminate and overthink on the tiniest of things even. What you need to understand about dwelling on the past is that it isn't useful to you, you take away every focus of living in the moment and accepting your life for what it is NOW. You take yourself away from being present and end up wasting time on dwelling about events you cannot change. What's done is done. Accept it, let it go and move on. I know it is the hardest thing to let go of the past, especially if it's not something you are ready to let go of, or if it was a situation in which you were in the wrong and are not able to fix it. That is truly painful... but if we keep focusing on it then we aren't living in the moment, we are living in the past. The past is history, we can't change what has happened but we can change what we do, how we feel and how we think NOW. You should always remember to accept that whatever situation is meant to be will be, whatever outcome is meant to be will be, whoever you are meant to end up with/not end up with is all meant to be. I used to sit and dwell for so long on wishing things were a different way or that if only I didn't do this or didn't say that then I would be with this person. Well no, that isn't the case at all because no matter what we go through in life and what mistakes and decisions we make, whatever is meant to be will ALWAYS be, even if that is not clear right away. Always remember that.

The most important part about these 6 forms of acceptance is that they are all essential in being able to live your best life, in order for you to be truly happy and appreciate life for what it brings - the good and the bad. Acceptance allows us to forgive ourselves. If we don't learn acceptance then self forgiveness is an ongoing struggle and believe me, I know it's hard. It's extremely difficult to forgive yourself as it's easier to be hard on yourself when things don't go your way, when you are rejected and when you make big mistakes. But this is why acceptance is so important in order to be fully at peace with yourself and your life. You need to be able to have acceptance of every event and situation you go through because without taking that action, you can never really move forward and live your best life, there is always going to be something that holds you back or something that you feel like you are lacking in your life when you don't learn acceptance. Acceptance helps us build up our self esteem and self worth because if we accept, then we know that not everything in life is going to be easy and so when we experience the good times, we can appreciate them more. And we can feel good about ourselves for being strong enough to accept the challenging situations in our lives and enjoying the positive situations even more than we would have if we didn't learn acceptance. We also begin to honour ourselves and not live life in fear, we become so comfortable within ourselves that we begin to accept what situations and what people we are willing to tolerate in our lives.

Acceptance is never easy, especially when we are in denial about situations, about relationships. When we try to please others who we know are bad for us, we don't choose to accept that what we are doing to ourselves actually isn't okay, we choose to deny our own truth at the cost of putting ourselves last and neglecting what WE need. Because it means pleasing someone else, it means not feeling lonely because we fear getting rejected and abandoned. When we don't accept we don't have to face life, we don't have to admit when something isn't good for us, we don't have to change what we are familiar with so if anything, not accepting becomes natural and an action of ease. But it isn't the answer to living your best life at all. This is going to sound so cliche but it is so true - the hardest lessons in life are the ones we learn from the most. And as frustrating as those lessons are, they always teach us something positive.

Once we learn acceptance, things in life become easier to deal with and respond to. All of a sudden we go from feeling guilt and self blame for our mistakes to owning up to our mistakes, being honest and open about them and owning them so that we don't repeat them again. We go from not taking rejection so personally to accepting that you know what? I am actually doing ok, because I am a nice and decent person and if people don't like me then that isn't a reflection on me, I don't let people define me because I know my truth. We go from feeling sorry for ourselves for all the pain of s**tty situations and sh**tty relationships we go through to acknowledging that without going through these hurtful experiences we wouldn't even begin to understand the power of our strength had we not been through them. Nor would we have as much appreciation for when we experience positive events in our lives. And also, we come to understand who it is we want and don't want in a partner and you couldn't ask for a better lesson from s**tty relationships than that. We go from feeling so negative about the world, living in fear that something bad could happen to us tomorrow, to living everyday like its your last and appreciating every single day of life you have and the beautiful and big wide world that is out there for you to see. And lastly, we go from dwelling on the past which we cannot change, to enjoy living in the present moment and being able to change what you can do now, rather than go through the anxiety spiral of the 'should haves, could haves, would haves' (and we all know how much of a mental mind f**k that does to our brains!) We go from wishing something was or wasn't to accepting that whatever is meant to be will be because the universe is always in alignment with our soul and with our energy. That it attracts the situations and people who are meant for us, and that things always work out the way that they're meant to in the end.

By learning and practicing acceptance we begin to understand the importance of self forgiveness, self love and genuine happiness. By choosing not to accept, we are choosing to neglect ourselves, we are choosing to live in fear, we are choosing to be in denial and we are choosing to remain stagnant in our lives. This is not living your best life, living your best life is what you want to be doing. Don't be the person that constantly moans about their lives but isn't willing to accept that they need to take action to change it. Learn acceptance, practice acceptance, do acceptance because once you implement it into your life, you will notice the changes in it.

One of my favourite quotes from the wise Wayne Dyer resonates with acceptance so much:

"if you change the way you look at things,

the way you look at things change"

Read this quote, write it down, rehearse it and remember it off by heart because this message is what will lead you to being able to practice acceptance in everyday of your life in order to live your BEST life. Be the change you want to see.

A path of acceptance will take you on a never-ending journey of self love, self trust and happiness.

And why wouldn't you want that for yourself?

XXX

#selflove