Boundaries guaranteed to make your self worth journey easier

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"From now on I will hold my physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual boundaries in high regard. Each of these lines is a boundary, and you are not allowed to cross over them without my consent - Kathleen Sleigh

We all know about boundaries and we all have boundaries, boundaries in which we have let other people cross at the cost of our own self worth. We know that the whole reason why we have boundaries is to show ourselves self respect and dignity so that we are treated with love and respect in a healthy and loving relationship. Sadly, we get so caught up in the idea of who we want someone to be that we throw away and dishonour our boundaries for this person.

My fellow blog follower Marissa wanted me to explore the physical, sexual and emotional boundaries we set for potential partners and how to hold ourselves in high regard of them. So let's explore these individually:

1. Physical: When I think of physical boundaries, I think about whether I feel safe around a guy and whether he is capable of violence or putting me down for my looks for whatever reason. Now for those women who have really low self esteem, they believe that they deserve violence if a guy is subjecting that and they start to blame themselves for it. And if they get judged on their looks they will come to believe they are ugly. Physical boundaries are all about loving yourself on the outside and embracing your appearance for what it is. It is about being happy with how you look and being comfortable in your own skin. You also have the choice to say no to abuse and once you tell yourself you are worth more than that then there is no way you will let someone do that to you. Very important boundary to set as any physical boundaries that are crossed will affect your self esteem, self love and self worth.

2. Sexual: This one resonates with me a lot as I always used to sleep with guys on the first date and with guys I started seeing on a regular basis, used sex to keep us connected, to keep us 'close'. Can any of you see how I have let these guys cross this boundary? I had basically sold my body for them on a silver platter and they have so easily and happily taken the offer. The message I am sending across is that I am easy, not worthy of anything else other than sex, and so over time these men treated me like sexual objects because that is how I saw myself. I'm not saying that people shouldn't sleep together on the first date, I mean, you should always do what feels right for you but if you haven't known someone for very long and haven't spoken to them for a long time before you have met them, I would strongly advise against sex on the first date. Guys will lose respect for you and won't find you someone worth pursuing if you have given so much of yourself away so quickly. I think it's important to set yourself sexual boundaries like not have sex on the first date, wait a month until you have sex, wait until you're exclusive and knows he wants to be with you until you have sex, etc. Remember, you're not going to all of a sudden forget to have sex if you wait, you're not going to develop cobwebs in your private parts if you hold off. Don't be too easy, give someone the element of the chase and have some self respect, you owe it yourself to honour that so that guys will respect you.

3. Emotional: I think these are the boundaries that we very easily forget because we tend to put other people's needs before our own. We people please, we compromise unhealthily, we put others first before us and in the end our self worth is destroyed. We set the boundary of being treated with love and respect yet we abandon that when we put in all this energy into people who don't give us that same love and respect. We set the boundary of our potential partner being honest and trustworthy yet we are walking around on eggshells with guys because we know they lie to us and see others behind our back. We allow ourselves to get treated like crap and excuse their poor behaviour and by doing this it is ignoring our own emotional needs. Honour your boundaries of receiving love, respect, trust, loyalty and honesty because it is what you deserve.

4. Spiritual: These boundaries all come down to religion, self love, self worth and the energy we put out into the universe which determines what energy we receive back. Perhaps you have religious beliefs that your future partner needs to have the same faith in or for those who aren't bothered about what religion someone else follows or not, you want them to support your religious beliefs if you are religious. You want to love yourself unconditionally until you actually believe it in order to receive the same love back. You need to tell yourself how worthy, loveable and amazing you are in order to end up with someone as worthy, loveable and amazing as you. And most importantly, you need to put out positive and loving energy in order for the universe to give that back to you. What vibes you put out you get back, it's so true.

To Marissa especially (as this was your suggested post) and to everyone else reading, I hope that this clarifies how important it is to hold your boundaries in high regard in order to live your best life for you and to receive the love, care, trust and respect you truly deserve. See your boundaries as something sacred, something that is untouched by everyone else but can only be touched by you. Imagine they are made up of a glass sculpture and for each boundary that is crossed a piece of that glass sculpture breaks. You don't want it smashing into pieces!

You deserve so much love and in order to have that you MUST hold yourself in high regard with your boundaries at all times. The minute you let one of them be crossed, it's all over. You have worked so hard to be the person you are today and to set the boundaries you have set. Don't let some barely there person who can't give you what you need and what destroy the honour you have for your boundaries. Honour YOU.

Xxx

#selfworth