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"The moment I looked at you and felt your energy, I knew I was too good for you" - Kathleen Sleigh
This post is dedicated to my beautiful friend in Australia, Monique who asked the questions:
How do you know if you're too good for him?
Does this 'I'm too good for you' idea actually exist?
What do you think about when you ask yourself whether you are 'too good' for someone? Does it mean you think you're better than them? Higher than them? For me personally, I honestly believe the idea of being 'too good' for someone exists but when I think that I am too good for someone I don't mean that I am better than them or higher than them, I mean that they are simply not on my level in terms of my values and what I believe in and I deserve more because I am amazing.
Some of the relationships I have looked back on that did not serve me I realised that I was too good for that person. This was because their values did not match up with mine and therefore they crossed boundaries. For example, guys would lie to me and one of my values is honesty, guys would talk down to me and another one of my values is a guy must treat me with respect and love. If a guy made me do something I did not want to do then that was a boundary being crossed and I knew I was too good for that because I should have more dignity and self worth to be able to stand up for myself and honour not being ok with something if I am not comfortable doing it.
W are all different and perhaps we don't all choose to see things in this way of being 'too good' for someone but I believe this idea exists because if we are 'too good' for someone then that suggests we are settling for less than we deserve. By being 'too good' for someone means that we are nothing short of amazing and that we need to be with someone on the same level as us, not someone who is below us and chooses not to treat us with love, care and respect. A couple needs to be equal in the relationship. If we tell ourselves that we are too good for someone then we are only just settling for a guy who is less than what we deserve. You want to be able to tell yourself that you feel equal with your partner, not that you're too good for him.
Monique, to answer your question:
Can external factors truly affect the growth of a relationship?
Yes, I believe that they can. Think about relationships you've been in where some factor has influenced how your relationship grows. Things like past experiences in other relationships, the relationships you have with your parents, your self esteem, your job, your relationships with your friends. All of these factors have affected my relationships in some way and have either hindered growth or enhanced growth. The only way a relationship can grow is through external factors that are POSITIVE. So if you had a good upbringing as a child where your parents were loving and raised you to be honest and kind then you are genuinely going to go into a relationship with those values, and if that person feels the same then the relationship will grow. If one of you don't believe in those values then you are hindering the growth of your relationship. Does that make sense? In order for your relationship to grow then you must not let NEGATIVE external factors determine your relationship.
You also asked me:
How to determine whether you are 'desperate' or whether you 'genuinely like' the person.
This question is quite simple for me to answer as I have been through too many experiences where I have chosen men who were not good for me (desperate) and chosen men I genuinely liked but just didn't have anything in common with or if I started seeing them, the relationship would fizzle out. When you're desperate you are choosing to fall for men who don't have the same values as you, you are basically people pleasing these men to do things they want and to make them happy at the cost of your own self worth. You're being desperate because you are settling for someone who doesn't treat you with the love, care and respect that you deserve. You are basically throwing away every value you hold for a guy who could care less about your values. You're basically letting this shark eat you up on a silver platter because you are throwing your self worth away. You basically just try to settle for every Tom, Dick and Harry there is just to cure your loneliness. When we are desperate it's usually a sign of fear of rejection and being alone. But by acting on those fears we end up choosing men who are not good for us and end up making us feeling bad about ourselves.
On the other hand, we know we genuinely like someone when this other person has the same values as us. We know we like them because we have fallen for their CHARACTER and not their PERSONALITY. Remember in one of my previous posts I talked about choosing to be with someone based on their character as it is relevant to values rather than choosing someone based on their personality such as the charm, the nice compliments etc. When we don't do things to please these men, we genuinely like them because we are not stooping to low levels of seeking their validation or attention of us. We genuinely like the person who treats us with love, care and respect.
So that is the difference between being desperate and genuinely liking someone. I hope that clarifies things for you.
Remember, if you are in a position you feel that you are too good for someone then walk away. Being too good for someone means you're settling for less than you deserve and you deserve more than that because you are AMAZING, you are a PRIZE. Don't let negative external factors affect the growth of your relationship - make healthy choices that enhance the growth of your relationship, not hinder it. And lastly, make sure you are aware of whether you are being desperate or whether you genuinely like someone. You know your desperate when your self worth and self esteem are compromised and you know you genuinely like someone who treats you well.
I pray that you all choose to be equals in your relationship. After all, you are a team!
Love and light,
Kat
XXX