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"Every situation that bothered me made me question my self worth and whether there is actually something wrong with me, and that if I didn't act this way or that way then maybe I would be a better person" - Kathleen Sleigh
Self worth definition:
The value you give to your life and achievements
As defined by the Cambridge dictionary, self worth as it states is the value that we give to our lives and ourselves including our achievements. It is the very aspect in our being that determines whether we will lead either our worst or best lives. Self worth is such an interesting dynamic because it changes all the time depending on the events that happen in our lives. Sometimes there are days when we feel that our self worth is really low and we feel really s**t about ourselves and our lives and then there are days when we feel that our self worth is really high and we become grateful for those days. There is nothing wrong with having those bad days because it is those days that will help us build a higher self worth for ourselves.
The reason I have posted about this today is because over the last week I have questioned my self worth over certain situations which really shouldn't define who I am. Lately it has been the following:
1. A friend of mine was speaking to another friend of mine more and sought their advice more (when really all they were doing was seeking advice from this friend because they had a lot more experience in this subject)
Questions:
Why I am letting this get to me?
Is it really a big deal that my friend has asked this other friend for advice on a subject she knows more about?
Does this really define how she sees me?
2. Reacting towards a situation that made me upset by slamming doors as a means of getting my point across and getting attention
Questions:
Why was I really upset?
Could I have responded differently rather than slam the doors?
Does this really matter?
3. When people are critical of me as a means of just being honest and upfront
Questions:
Are these people really judging me or are they just trying to give me feedback so I am aware of it and can improve next time?
Is it really personal?
How can I look at this differently rather than take it so personally?
4. Starting a new job and making silly mistakes
Questions
Does this mean my bosses and colleagues think I am stupid?
Do they not want me on the team?
Will they keep thinking I am going to make mistakes now?
How could I see this differently?
I am sure that they would have forgotten about those times anyway and are happy to move forward
They understand that I am learning and will take time to get my head around a new job
Just remember to stay focused and take my time
Take the advice my boss has given me and use it to my advantage so I don't make silly mistakes
5. Someone mentioning that they thought this other girl was pretty.
Questions:
Does this mean she thinks I'm not pretty?
Does this mean I am not pretty?
Why doesn't she say I'm pretty?
How could I see this differently?
Maybe she thinks I am pretty but she can't say it to me because she may be insecure herself. She is able to talk about someone else being pretty because they are not there with her.
Who cares what she thinks anyway? I don't know this other girl so why should I be defined by her?
She could be pretty on the outside but not on the inside.
I am pretty no matter is said about anyone else. I am me, I am not anyone else.
These situations have really made me question my self worth and I have noted them down because my therapist mentioned that it is important to write about the moments where I question my self worth. And to try and work out what it is about those situations that made me question it and how I could look at it differently. The questioning is my homework into digging deeper into the response towards my behaviour (not the behaviour itself).
I have been very critical of myself for feeling this way as I have been doing so much better in my life in terms of focusing on myself and focusing on new jobs. And so whenever I question my self worth I feel that it isn't ok to be feeling that way if I am doing so well. But the thing is, I am not meant to get this right overnight and working towards my best self is a process and so I am not always going to get it right every time. I have realised that questioning my self worth is just the universe telling me that I am still learning to be a better person and the journey isn't over yet, and that this isn't a bad thing because life is about learning and we are always learning.
I tell myself everyday that although I'm not perfect I am a good person, a kind person, a successful person and a beautiful person. I honestly do believe that when I tell myself that and on my saddest days I basically fake it until I make it because if you do something enough times, it becomes second nature and real eventually.
Self worth is a tricky thing and it is very up and down because we all go through failure, pain and heartbreaks and each of these things makes us question our own self worth but the important thing is is to realise that we should never let any situation/person/event define us. If we did that, then we would be the most miserable people on the planet and not be able to handle anything!
It's a very hard aspect of ourselves to work towards but it requires hard work and effort to build a self worth that is so strong no one can touch it, no one can even go near it. Remember that we aren't perfect and should never expect ourselves to be. Yes we make mistakes, not everyone is going to like us or like what we do but it doesn't mean we should let ourselves be defined by those situations and people. You know yourself and you know you're a good person who is capable of many things. Let the small things go because you will feel more free and more at peace within yourself. For too long I have let so many small situations get to me so much that I have felt horrible about myself and had a really low self worth because of it. I didn't think I was worthy of anything good if I went through such negative situations and had people say this and that about me or think this and that about me. But that's not true at all because the reality is is that we are going to make mistakes, not everyone is going to like us nor is everyone going to like what we do. Remember, people also choose to treat us badly based on their own self worth so this is why it is so important to not let ourselves be defined by others, because their actions don't dictate who we are at all. We don't know what is going on inside their own heads (reread and REMEMBER THIS).
Tell yourself everyday how worthy and loveable you are because YOU ARE!
By letting go of negative situations, negative people and small things that shouldn't really matter you will feel so much more at peace within yourself. And every situation you come across that isn't comfortable will not scare you or make you question your self worth anymore. It takes practice and I still have a lot of work to do but I am taking the right steps in building my self worth so that I don't let every little thing get to me. You will notice your small successes where you don't let things get to you as you notice the difference in how you feel about yourself. Those small successes will then become big successes and you will realise how unstoppable and invincible you really are!
So in saying that, my task for you my lovely followers is this:
Whenever you question your own self worth because of certain situations, write it down and ask yourself what it is about that person/event/situation that is making you question your self worth. Then write down how you can see the situation differently and why it shouldn't dictate your thoughts about yourself and your life.
Let me know what you discover and feel free to share with me as you know I love to listen and help out where I can.
Love and light,
Kat
XXX