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"I am a beautiful person on the inside and out. I am worthy and loveable no matter what anyone else thinks or says. I am greatness and deserve greatness, always" - Kathleen Sleigh
Today I am going to disclose to you about my recent honouring of boundaries and how confronting it has been for me. As a newly self respected woman still learning about myself and what makes me happy, I am still on my journey of self discovery and self love. This is a journey that still is very confronting and overwhelming but also empowering at the same time. Whilst I have decided to put myself first in my life I have not completely cut myself off from seeing people because I want to be open to meeting people until I meet the right guy. I started seeing this guy and knew I wasn't just in it for fun and a month in I know I need more based on the conversations and experiences I have had with this person. Whilst it is hard to say no to the fun and company, I know that it is not sustainable and I know it would never work for me in the long term. So for the first time ever I was honest with him and honest with myself that I am just happy to keep things friendly moving forward.
This was very confronting for me and I have been really emotional since honouring these boundaries even though it was the right thing to do. I was probably emotional because it was the right thing to do. By honouring myself and knowing what I want and deserve I was able to realise how important my self respect is and to never just settle for a relationship that isn't going to work out for me in the long term. I have cried and allowed myself to process these emotions and why I have been so upset - I think it is a mix of letting the fear of loneliness go, but also putting myself first knowing my needs and what's important to me. It also letting go of the old me that is dying - the old me that has not honoured my boundaries. Maybe there is the dear of letting her go completely... It hurts because it means starting again in a way and realising this wasn't meant to be but I know in the long term it is for the better. And being real about it now only a month in will allow moving past this a lot easier. Honouring my boundaries gives me more self respect and allows him to respect me more.
It is like I am stuck between the old me and the new me - the old me is still dying to experience the high but the new me knows it's not sustainable. I already knew in my heart that I didn't think I could see myself being with this person and that the company was just making me feel attached and connected to him. That's all it was. As always, apart of me wanted to make it work because I am a relationships person but you can't force something that is not meant to be. It should never be enough of a reason to keep a relationship going, it just isn't worth the heartbreak and the investment into someone who isn't your person and missing the opportunity in meeting someone who could be right for you.
I am greatness and deserve love and happiness from the right person and when the time is right, I will meet him.
In the mean time, I need to keep practicing honouring my boundaries so that when the right guy does come along, honouring my boundaries will no longer be a challenge.
Thoughts?
Love and light,
Kat
XXX